If You Can't Run, Walk, If You Can't Walk, Crawl

If You Can’t Run, Walk, If you Can’t Walk, Crawl



My son, Jonathan is going to start the youth group this Wed. night.
He is very happy about this church.

The Pastor, mostly taught out of Romans and Ephesians this day.
He was talking about Selfless Faith. I was thinking what a good title for a new story! :)

He also said Christians who are not filling their minds with scripture, are like warriors going out to battle without a helmet. Always be prepared.

(I thought about our soldiers that are at war right now, fighting without their helmets.
I thought that, that would be dangerous and foolish of them to do that.)

The Pastor also said, You have to understand your position in Christ. The Word of God is our sword and we should never be without it. The enemies of hell do not want you close to God... or to have a relationship with Him. They scheme against you to take your affections off God and want you to put your affections somewhere else. It is an invisible war. Put on the armor of God and be a strong soldier in the army of the Lord.

I heard once, if you can’t run, walk, if you can’t walk, crawl.

This all may sound radical, but it is not. How deep is your relationship with God? Do you take it seriously?
Is it just there whenever you feel like continuing it?
Do the things in your life, seem to be at the losing end?
Do you talk to Him about the details of your life?
Your job, your car, food, clothes, bills, things that your heart desire, your mate, your friends, relationship problems….whatever that is on your mind and in your heart?

There is more to living, there is also dying.
We are dying everyday. Yesterday is gone. 10 years are gone. 5 years are gone.
Last year is gone.

We have today. This moment.

The Word says, live for today, yesterday is gone and don’t focus on tomorrow with it’s worries and concerns, it has enough problems of its own. Jesus said that.

Why did he say that…? Because He takes care of us. We are not to worry. But He knows that we do worry or He would not have said that. He just wants us to trust Him. Lean on Him.

Our spirit is forever. Because of Jesus Christ. Because of His great love and sacrifice.

Our world is in chaos. But our minds and spirits do not have to be.
God is in control of our chaotic world. We have hope and we have God.
There is no other God like Him. He is great and powerful and also full of love and mercy.

Why is it so hard for us to talk to Him, to give Him all our cares? Why is it so easy to go to other things for comfort and that are not dependable?

I understand this, when I am overwhelmed and upset or hurt….my thoughts turn to food. I have a problem with food like some have problems with drugs and alcohol, sex, tv, gambling. I fight running to food, like people who run to their vices, all the time.

I really have to fight to keep my focus on God in those times…I have to depend on His strength to help me, when I am weak.
Those are times I am crawling.  He always gives me a way out. It is always my choice.
I used to weigh 365 lbs. I was killing myself.

All hurt, pain, abuse, trauma in my life, I ate it. Every time someone was hurtful and unkind, mean spirited to me. I ate it. I ate it and I ate it again. I prayed and cried and ran to my addiction for comfort. I ate and cried.
I learned about 10 years ago, how to turn to God instead of food. I learned that He can heal me and give me what I need, that food can not…and what He does for me lasts, where food, when I ate it, made me feel worse yet. I kept fighting it, even though many times I gave into the call of food. And still do.

What feels so hard for me is this, others who have addictions, like drugs and alcohol can live without it.
But people have to eat food. A person can not live without it. I can’t just get it out of my house, like other things. So I have a terrible, lasting fight over food. I can control what food I bring into my home and how I will eat it. I still got to take care of my family, cook for them, feed them. Watch them eat foods I can not eat.
See restaurants everywhere! Everywhere! Walk into a grocery store and smell fresh baked goods each and every time.
Family gatherings, celebrations, every activity that involves getting together with others, there is food!
My God! It is everywhere! I am careful. I walk carefully, like a person walking in a minefield. I am in prayer! I fight the good fight! I try!

Then I prayed for 2 years to have the gastric bypass surgery. I was sure it would save my life…Oh I lost all my weight. It has been 3 years since the surgery.

I never felt good though… I am not well.  And my insight of myself never changed. My mind stills sees myself at 365 lbs. I look in the mirror and I don’t see a person, who lost tons of weight. And for the last year, every so slowly, I have gained 30 lbs.
God and I have some work still, to do on me.

What the world offers us is temporary. It doesn’t last. What God offers is everlasting.
It is healing from within and without.

I understand this as truth. I have a story that I wrote some years ago…I feel I need to post it with what I have written to you so far.
It is a profound, deep, spiritual, personal experience.
It is a true spiritual experience that happened between Jesus and myself.

I have sent it out to some family and friends a while back…but I feel it is time to put it on this blog and share it with all of you. I want you to understand how important it is to trust God, in your deepest, darkest times, not just in the good moments of your life. I want you to know you can give Him anything and everything about you.

He will take good care of you.

I am still on my journey and will be until I get to go Home to Heaven. I will fight the good fight and hide His Word in my heart, so that I might not sin against Him. I want to live a life growing in His good ways, His safe ways. Becoming more like Jesus.

When Jonathan was little, he used to say to his dad often, “Dad when I grow up, I want to be just like you!” It made his dad proud and happy to hear Jonathan say that to him. Jonathan even had a t-shirt that said, “When I grow up, I want to be like my dad.” His dad had a t-shirt that said, “When I grow up, I want to be like Jesus.”

At the church we went to this Sunday, there was a song they sung…that really touched me, I quickly got out a pen and paper to write down some words from it.

These are some of those words:

“Take me to that secret place Lord. To that secret place, where I can be with you.
You can make me more like you. Wrap me in your arms.”
This is one of the ways of how I know Him.

He is serious about you. He is personal. He is true and faithful and full of love for you.


This is a true story: It continues to do this day.

Kim’s Journey


I don’t know how to begin. This is about the beginning of my journey.
As I am sitting here, searching my heart for the words I want to express, I am filled with a kind of emotion that there are no words for.

This is what my journey has been like:

I know there is a place I must go to, to be able to continue on.
The walk is hard. I am not sure where I am going.
Along the way, in soft places, I get relief and renewed strength from others who represent truth.

Also on this journey I run into cross roads, detours and even places where there are signs that say dead end or no exit. At some of these places, I get so tired I just want to quit, but deep down inside my soul I feel a strong urge not to give up.

In the shadows of my journey, in the hard places, there are traps set for me, a planning of my end.

As I go farther, getting closer to the place I need to be, every hit is harder than the one before it.

I see where I need to be! I race toward it! I am hit with a terrible, forceful blow. I was not ready for this one. This impact was so hard and so cleverly planned. The force of it takes my breath away. I fall to the ground.

“Is there no one to help me?” I cry. I feel so alone, hurt, tremendously sad and overtaken.

I fall asleep hoping not to wake again.

Gently though, I am awakened.

“Kim, you can get up now. I am here for you and you can do this. Take my hand.”

I struggle to see who it is that is speaking to me with so much assurance.
I look up. All I see is a blur of white light and a form of a hand reaching down to me.

I reach up and take the hand that is offered to me. I instantly realize how comforted I begin to feel. There is a strength and gentleness in this hand. Because of that, I stand. My eyes begin to focus and I see no one with me, but feel sure I am not alone anymore. I feel, able, able to continue on. I walk on. I arrive to the place I need to be.

There I find a chest full of treasure, but instead of just excepting what I see, I look deeper. I need to. I have to. There had been too many deceptive things, forced into my life. I want to understand the truth of things.

I reach in and move pass the jewels that look so beautiful and feel so rough to touch. As I push pass with my hands, I discover the box is deeper than I thought. I feel the sting of the scratches and scraps as I press on. I want to know what is at the bottom. There has got to be something more to this.

The jewels look so inviting. They seem to offer a soft smile that entices you to except their reality.
They misrepresent themselves. I am relieved I understand this.

Suddenly, I feel something soft.
It feels like a rope.
I take a breath and struggle to get a hold of what I can’t see, but only feel.
It is in my fingertips. I am almost frantic.
“I have to get this.” I say with such desperation that it startles me.

I have reached in so deep now my shoulders begin to ache from digging into the sharp, jagged edges of the deception on top.
At last I have it in my hand. I try to pull it up. The weight of all that is there suppresses me.
As I am pulling free, I am becoming more sore and scratched. Finally, I am near the top.
I pull out my prize. I am surprised at what I have. I forget my pain for a moment.
Dangling on the end of a short rope is a mirror the size of my hand.
I lift it to my face and peer in.

“How can this be?” I think out loud.
“I struggled so hard, come all this way and have gone through all this suffering for this?”
“Just for this?” I am deeply saddened.

Then I heard Him. The voice of the one I had heard before.
“Kim, why are you so filled with sorrow?”

I could feel the reality of His compassion for me in His words and I felt compelled to answer.

“My Lord, I was in search of a treasure that would help me live. I am sad because I did not find that treasure. Without it I can not know truth and I can not truly live. My journey ends and it is my spirit that will die.’

“Ahhhh, but you have found it.” “You have found my most valuable treasure!”

He said this with such certainty, as if I had received that very thing that I was seeking.

I didn’t understand. “Please,” I said, “tell me what you mean.”

“You have found you. I want you to see yourself the way I created you to be. The way I see you. I want you to look deeper, not with your earthly eyes, but with the eyes of your heart.”

As He spoke this to me, I began to see more clearly. My reflection started to change. I was seeing things in me I had never seen before.

Tears formed in my eyes and my heart squeezed with the knowledge of what I was seeing.

This was only the beginning.


Kim Wenrich
2 Corinthians 5:17
Psalms 139
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